we go round and round
by wordsofalullaby28
Summary: JONAS;Nick/Macy. Sometimes, good things fall apart so even better things can fall together.


_A/n: My attempt at a Nick/Macy story. Pre-JONAS LA, and has a jumpy timeline. Hopefully it's not too confusing for you! It mainly goes from past to present to past etc, but if you have any questions about the story, please don't hesitate to ask! _

_Disclaimer: I don't own JONAS/JONAS LA_

* * *

_sometimes, good things fall apart so even better things can fall together_

-nm-

Macy wants to hate her, she really does. You're always supposed to hate the girl who takes your place, but she can't bring herself to do it. Grace is too nice, too sweet, too everything that Nick deserves.

Macy watches their hands link as they sit and each lunch, observes as they stroll through the hallways, smiling and laughing and just generally being adorable.

She knows she has brought this on herself, but it still manages to break her heart.

-nm-

Nick pretends not to care about which guy Stella has set Macy up with, but it's hard to ignore the feeling of jealously that bubbles in his stomach. He puts this down to habit; he dated Macy for a _six_ _months_, after all. It's not easy to forget the history between them.

But he is with Grace now, lovely, kind Grace, and he is happy.

At least, this is what he tells himself.

-nm-

It takes Nick a month to regain his muse after he and Macy end their relationship. He has no enthusiasm to write songs about love, because he hates love. He hates the way his stomach still twists when he sees her; he hates how the memory of her lips against his lingers in his mind.

He has no energy for anything; he is a listless soul drowning in a sea of bodies. He doesn't want to feel this powerless, not over her.

It is not until he catches her one lunchtime, sitting in the atrium by herself, that he sees that she is just as hurt as he is. She has a textbook balanced precariously on her lap, but she is not interested in what it has to say.

She looks up suddenly and their eyes lock. It's easy to pretend when she's not around, but _god_, he forgot how beautiful she was. There is something in her eyes that he recognizes; but he can't decipher what it is exactly. She offers him a wobbly smile.

There is a moment of stillness and the world around them disappears for a second. Nick is whisked back to those late nights under the stars, her thumb rubbing against his knuckle as they lay interlocked on the damp grass. The night sky is breathtaking, he'd tell her, but nothing could compare to what lay beside him.

Someone nudges past Nick and this brings him back to a world where he remembers that she broke his heart.

As he moves on, he has the sudden urge to run home and attack his keyboard with songs about love and how it isn't for everyone.

-nm-

"Brett Chambers likes you," Stella announces casually to Macy at lunch. Macy nearly chokes on her salad. Her friend is so nonchalant about it that Macy begins to wonder whether she has heard her right.

"What?" Macy replies huskily, her throat suddenly dry with apprehension.

"Brett Chambers likes you," Stella repeats, "Kelly heard Brett talking about you to his friends in Calculus. She said that he said he was going to ask you out today. Just thought I'd give you a heads up."

Macy wonders if Stella has noticed that the three Lucas boys are sat opposite, each with their mouths wide open. Macy flushes red and turns to Stella.

"Are you sure?"

"Kelly told me he's been interested for ages, but he didn't want to make any moves because of...you know..." Stella's eyes flicker over to Nick. He, unlike his brothers, has composed his face and is acting indifferent. This hurts Macy more than it should.

"What are you gonna say?" Kevin pipes up eagerly, earning a slap from Joe for being so forward. Macy's mouth twists as she considers the possibilities. Brett is cute, athletic, popular, your standard jock. Macy even recalls having a crush on him way back when they were in elementary school. But is she ready to immerse herself in another relationship?

When Kevin clears his throat, Macy remembers that they are all waiting for an answer.

"Yeah. Yeah, he's cute. Why not?" She responds with a shrug. Joe and Kevin exchange a look that Macy catches and wonders if they know something she doesn't. Stella begins to say something about her outfit for the date, and Macy finally notices that Nick has left the table.

_**Have you ever been in love?**_

_Yes, I have. I completely believe in romance and finding 'the one'. My brothers call me sappy, but I think it's an amazing thing to experience. People always say that love hurts, but they're wrong. Rejection and heartbreak hurt. Love is a different thing all together. Love is beautiful. _

-nm-

Their first date is definitely something special. Nick, in the midst of tour preparations, doesn't take into account his busy schedule, and promises Macy a wonderful time. His mom is the first to warn Nick about taking too many things up at once, but Nick is sure he can handle it all. His brothers tell him it's impossible, but Nick likes impossible.

He takes Macy to the park, a horde of blankets under one arm and a picnic basket hooked onto the other. The sun is just about to set, and as the night goes on, the moon is the only light illuminating their date. They eat strawberries and his mom's famous potato salad, and they chat about the school, the tour, their friends. They lie across the blankets, a light breeze whispering on their skin.

"You know, two months..isn't that long," Nick says, "Compared to-"

"Three months?" Macy teases, smiling. When Nick doesn't return the expression, she adds, "Oh, lighten up, Nick. You're the one who gets to travel the country, doing what you love. You won't miss me at all, you'll see."

He looks at her, takes in her lovely face, her eyes that sparkle in the moonlight, and realizes that he can't do this to her. He can't make her wait around for two months, when they've only been on one date.

"Macy. You don't have to do this."

Macy props herself up on her elbows, staring quizzically at him. "Do what?"

"I can't ask you to...wait for me. It's not fair. You should be out there, dating other guys-" He shudders at the thought, but continues, "- and I can't stop you. No matter how much I want this...I'm not going to."

After a minute of agonizing silence, she finally speaks, a wry smile on her face.

"Don't I get to decide?"

And she does, by leaning down and pressing her lips to his.

-nm-

Brett is a nice guy and all, but taking her to the bowling alley for a first date? Yes, she loves sports, and she rocks at bowling, but this isn't quite the romantic evening she had in mind. As she watches Brett pick up different bowling balls, sizing their weight and color, she lets her mind wander to what the boys and Stella are up to. Kevin has planned a games night, complete with a game of Dopey Doctor, and a part of Macy wishes that she could be with them.

The date improves at the night goes on; he, unlike many of the guys at Horace Mantis, appreciates that she is not just some sports dude, and actually asks her about something other than soccer and athletics.

He drops her home, and she kisses him on the cheek. He smells like citrus and sweat and aftershave, and she is suddenly hit by the fact that he won't smell like strawberries and seabreeze, because he is not Nick.

-nm-

When Nick rings Macy as soon as he is home from his tour, it goes straight to answer phone. His heart rate increases as the automated voice on the other line tells him to leave a message. He has so much to say to her, and yet he can't form a coherent sentence. It's funny, because he can write reams of lyrical nonsense all day, but words desert him when he needs them most.

"Uh, hey, Mace. It's me. Nick. Of JONAS. But, I'm guessing you already know that. Does your phone have caller ID? Well, even if it doesn't, I'm sure you can tell...by my voice. So, um, we're back from the tour, and I just wondered if maybe you wanted to come over tonight? It'll be a little hectic over here, what with my mom cleaning like crazy already and the unpacking and things, but I'd really like to see you. So, yeah. Call me back, or whatever. Bye."

-nm-

Brett surprises Macy one day by announcing that he thinks they should double date with Nick and Grace. Macy is shocked to say the least, reminding Brett that she and Nick used to be an item, but Brett doesn't see this as an issue. Macy warns him to drop it, and Brett does, or so she thinks.

"So apparently Brett thinks a double date is in order," A low voice says. Macy nearly drops her books in fright, but manages to regain her cool. Closing her locker door, she comes face to face with Nick, who is smirking.

"Not my idea. Brett thinks it'd be cool to hang out with a JONAS, or something-"

"But you don't agree?" Nick assumes dryly. Macy blinks a few times, before answering.

"I hang out with a JONAS most of the time. In fact, I hang out with _three_ of them. It's not that I have a problem with, Nick, it'd just be...weird."

"Weird," Nick repeats, deadpan.

"Yes. Because of _us_," She says, as if it is obvious. She sighs, not knowing where to go with the conversation. "I'd prefer it if we didn't cross that line. Not yet, anyway."

Nick nods, understanding. His eyes bore into hers, and Macy knows that if she doesn't walk away now, she won't be able to leave.

"I'm gonna be late for class," She declares in a clipped tone brushing past him.

"See you 'round," Nick calls softly. Macy pushes down a strange twinge in her stomach, keeping her eyes straight forward and fighting the urge to look back.

* * *

_**You told fans last weeks that you are now dating Macy Misa, a girl who attends your school. Do you have anything to say on that?**_

_Things are going great. She's amazing. We're just trying to keep a low profile. _

Macy clicks off the gossip site, feeling disgruntled. Why she googled herself, she'll never know. She hates the interest surrounding their relationship, but she knows dating a JONAS was never going to be easy.

Things are going great, according to Nick. But Macy is tired of not feeling good enough for him. He is out there, playing his music and changing the world, and she is at home, the same old Macy Misa. She only needs to take a look at the internet to see that everyone agrees. Who was she kidding?

* * *

_**You recently broke up with your girlfriend of six months, Macy Misa, very publically. How are things going?**_

_It's going OK. It's been difficult, but our relationship had naturally run its course. I still see her all the time, she's still one of my best friends. _

Macy doesn't know why she has kept this article in particular. Every time she reads it, she can feel her heart break a little more. She can read his pain, and this in turn makes her stomach churn with regret and guilt. He has been nothing but civil about her when it came to the press questions, when she doesn't deserve it.

-nm-

Words are a funny thing.

Nick, as a songwriter, knows this all too well. Words are the base of humanity; the reason why communication is so important, the reason the melody fits.

A book of a million words seems impressive, but usually only a few words are enough to break your heart. This is what he learns as Macy tells him she doesn't want to do this anymore.

He should've seen it coming. She has been acting odd for days now, ever since he'd come home from doing press in LA. Her kisses are flat, like they are preoccupied. Worry begins to cloud Nick's mind, wondering what he could've done or said. He soon finds out.

They are at their favourite restaurant, celebrating their six month anniversary. As he waits for her to return from the restrooms, he nervously plays with his napkin, the necklace box lying in the middle of the table. Deciding they might leave the restaurant without it by accident, he slips it into her purse. He spots her, sashaying through the tables, her blue dress fluttering in the slight breeze. She takes a seat, hiding behind a half smile, and begins to unfold the menu, not looking directly in his eye.

"So, what's good here?" She says, in what he believes is an attempt to be breezy.

"Mace...is everything OK?" He asks. She doesn't even lower the menu.

"The scallops sounds nice. Have you ever had them from here?"

"Macy-"

"Or are they a little pricey? I could just have the Caesar salad, that sounds just as nice-"

"Macy," Nick repeats, a little louder this time. The couple on the table next to them glance up from their meal, and Macy finally puts in the menu down. "Macy. Is everything OK?"

Macy looks at him. "No."

"No?"

"I can't do this anymore, Nick. I'm sorry, but I really can't. I can't stand not being good enough for you. I've tried _so hard _to be the perfect girlfriend, to understand that you won't always be around because you're a rockstar, and how can I ask you to be anything else?" Her voice beings to crack as she continues, "But I can't be everything you deserve, not when you're never around." She pushes her chair away from the table and stands up, tipping over her glass of water in the process. The glass rolls to the edge of the table, and as he watches her run to the exit, the glass falls and shatters into a million pieces. The whole restaurant is quiet, every eye on him.

In the silence, he swears he can hear his heart breaking.

-nm-

Nick finds Macy sitting in the atrium alone. He had originally come to find peace, but what he'd found is even better. She glances up, shocked to see his face at the door.

"Can I...?" He trails off.

"Of course," She moves her bag from the bench beside her and dumps it onto the grass, offering him the seat. He takes it, and strings his guitar around his shoulder, strumming a few chords to ease the tension. Things were still awkward between them, but it had gotten easier over the past few weeks. Regular movie nights with Joe, Stella and Kevin helped a lot, where it could just be the five of them, no Grace, no Brett.

"Brett broke up with me," Macy announces.

Nick is, for some reason, ecstatic. "Oh. I'm sorry."

Macy arches an eyebrow, but carries on. "Yeah, I mean, it's nearly summer, and he's going away to this football camp. He says doesn't want to be tied down with a girlfriend, or something."

"Very typical Brett," Nick remarks, as Macy nods in agreement.

"It's kind of a relief, actually" She shrugs, "He was great, attentive and fun and everything, but he's just not what I'm looking for right now."

"And what _are_ you looking for?" He asks.

Macy looks at him, and her remembers why he fell in love with her in the first place. Her face breaks into a brilliant smile.

"I don't know. The world is full of great guys, but if only I could find one," She tilts her head to the side, "What about Grace? How are things going there?"

"Everything is going great. Grace is...perfect," Nick replies, not remembering Macy's insecurities about their own relationship. Macy blinks, nodding along as he tells her more, "I mean, she's really smart, totally into music and beautiful, of course. She's just-"

"Perfect?" Macy finishes, grinning. "Well, that's good, Nick. I'm happy for you. I never got the chance to say it before, but I am. I'm very happy for you."

"That means a lot, coming from you." He responds. The air is suddenly thick with unspoken words, and Macy takes the pause as her cue to leave. She gathers up her stuff, slinging her rucksack over he shoulder, and gives him a small wave as she leaves the atrium.

Nick watches her, plucking the stings from his guitar. He can feel a song coming on.

* * *

_**You say a lot of your songs are based off real life experiences. Can you share what inspired you to write fan favourite, 'The Atrium'?**_

_At my high school, we have this atrium in the middle of the hallways. It's really weird, because it is an outdoor area, and yet indoors at the same time, if that makes sense. But as I've grown older, I've come to realise that it's actually really clever, to have this beautiful, natural thing in the middle of all that craziness. 'The Atrium' is about doing just that; finding the beauty in any crazy situation. _

_**Speaking about school, you are in your senior year at Horace Mantis. How are you coping with your upcoming graduation?**_

_It's a little scary, but both Joe and Kevin survived, so I'm hoping I'll be OK. A lot of my friends are attending college in different states, so at the moment it's about making this time last as long as it can._

* * *

-nm-

Macy sits on the porch steps, the music blaring from indoors. It's not that she isn't having fun, because she is, she is just finally coming to terms with the fact that she won't be seeing a lot of her classmates again.

The graduation ceremony had flown by; she could barely remember being handed her certificate on the stage, her thoughts focused on not tripping in her heels which Stella had forced her into. Then that was it. She had been ushered off the stage, and she was no longer a senior. Once the ceremony had ended, her family and Stella had all come rushing over, gathering her up into a big Misa hug.

She feels weird. Grown up, almost. She pulls her heels off, setting them on the step beside her and glancing into the night sky. She is so absorbed in couting the stars that she doesn't hear Stella approach.

"Mace? Hey, those shoes cost me a fortune to loan for tonight, you'd better put them back on!" Stella orders, hands on hip.

Macy slips the shoes back on and grins. "You loaned them? I'm surprised a savvy New York fashion student like you doesn't get them for free!" She teases, as her best friend takes a seat beside her.

"I know, right? But no, it's totally worth it, to see my best friend graduate in them," Stella links her arm through Macy's.

"Well, they're gorgeous. Thank you," Macy sticks her feet out and admires them, "They're just a little uncomfy. You'd think that shoes for that price would come with pillows stuffed in the heel." Stella laughs, and Macy realises how much she has missed this. She'd always known they'd have a year without seeing each other at school; being one year apart sometimes sucked. "I've missed you, Stell."

"I've missed you too, Mace! This year has been _crazy_ on my part, and I'm sorry. But I've finally got the hang of travelling between New Jersey and New York, so hopefully I'll be able to see you more."

Macy frowns. "I'm not going to college in New Jersey."

Stella cocks her head to the side. "Well, I know. But you never told me where you were going, so I kind of assumed that you were staying in New Jersey. Where are you going then?"

"I'm actually going to the California University."

"California? You mean California, as in the state that's a five hour plane flight away from New York? Why are you going _there?" _Stella asks.

"They offer a really great journalism course, and I can also focus on my sports. I know it seems like ages away, but I think it'll be good. Get a fresh start, you know?"

"A fresh start...from me?"

"No, honey, no. I love you, and I always will," Macy promises, "But I feel like, if I want to be independent, then I have to do this on my own. Go to a place where I don't know anyone, and where nobody knows me. I'll still come back for holidays and things. I'll be around so much that you'll be begging me to get back on that plane," Macy jokes. Stella is contemplative for a moment.

"What about Nick? He'll be devastated."

"Really?" During their senior year, they hadn't spoken much, kept themselves to themselves. Last time she'd had a proper conversation with him was in the atrium after she and Brett had split up. She'd only know about his break up with Grace through gossip in the science lab. With Stella in New York and Joe and Kevin taking up more and more band events, Nick wasn't in school all that much and their movie nights had disappeared. It was sad, but Macy had learnt that growing apart just meant they were growing up. Macy isn't sure if she likes it much.

"Yes, really," Stella turns to look at Macy, "Do you honestly think Nick won't miss _you_?"

It takes Macy a while to answer, so Stella adds, "Do you honestly think you won't miss_ him_?"

-nm-

There is a knock at her bedroom door. Macy doesn't look up from her packing.

"Mace?" Her mom's voice floats across the room, "There's somewhere here to see you." Macy glances up from her suitcase to see Nick, a lazy smile on his face. Her mom shoots her a look. "I'll leave you kids alone."

The door shuts, and Macy returns to her packing. Nick stands awkwardly, shifting from one leg to the other, his fingers tapping against his denim jeans in an unknown rhythm. It is a habit that Macy finds endearing, but she can't be distracted, not with so much to do.

"So my mom and dad told me to give this to you," He finally says, holding out the card, "It's just a good luck card, and something to say thank you for babysitting Frankie at such short notice over the past few years."

"Oh, that's OK. I was happy to do it," Macy takes the card, smiling. She'd save that for later.

"You know, I always thought Frankie had a crush on you," Nick comments, "Not that I blame him. He was mad at me when we dated, did you know that? Didn't speak to me for days. I managed to get him to forgive me when I promised I'd give him my favourite guitar. It worked like a charm."

"And did you give him your guitar?"

"No, he forgot about it the next day," Nick responds, making Macy smile. She grabs her jewellery box and pours the contents onto her bed. Nick's eyes immediately land on a familiar packaged box, and he is surprised to see that it is still sealed off.

"You never opened that?" He asks, trying to sound casual.

"I found it at the bottom of my bag draw a few months ago. I have no idea where it came from; and I don't really want to open it. It looks pretty all wrapped up though? And expensive," Macy examines the box.

"Open it."

"What?"

"I think you should open it. What does it matter if it looks pretty? It's what's on the inside that counts, right?" Nick reasons with her, taking a step closer. Macy's mouth twists as she weighs her options, but decides to do as he says. She delicately pulls the bow apart, and slides to top off. In the middle of the box, a small loveheart lies in a pool of its own chain. Macy picks the necklace up, gasping.

"It's beautiful."

"Read the back," Nick says. Macy turns the chain around carefully and sees the letters 'N' and 'M' inscribed on the back. She has forgotten how to breath. "Happy anniversary, Mace."

"What?" She stutters.

"I bought that for you, on our sixth month anniversary. I was going to surprise you, hoping you'd look into your bag later that night and see the box. Things didn't turn out quite the way I'd planned. I guess you haven't looked in your bag since then?"

Macy tries to remember that night. She can remember quite vividly how she'd ran out on him; everything after that is a blur. "I just threw my bag in the draw that night. When I sorted it out the next morning, it must've fallen out," She examines the necklace again, not quite believing it, "Wow, Nick. This is beautiful. I... I don't know what to say."

He stares at her, a stare full of questions and explanations. "What happened to us?" Nick sits on the bed with her, "We were best friends, a long time ago. Now I find out from _Stella_ you're moving to California?"

"Life happens, Nick. I've spent a long time wishing it didn't, but it does. And I'm sorry I didn't tell you about California, but to be honest, I haven't really told anyone. I thought you'd be too busy to care about what happens to me," She snaps, suddenly wishing she hadn't. But what gave him the right to be angry at her?

"Macy," He says, quietly, taking her hands, "I'm never too busy to care about you."

Macy looks at their hands. "Don't do this to me, Nick."

"Do what?"

"I can't fall in love with you again. I'm going to California, for a fresh start."

"But I love you."

The three words that every girl wants to hear. Macy feels like crying.

"No you don't. You're just trying to deal with saying goodbye. We broke up a year and a half ago, remember?"

"No, _you_ broke up with _me," _Nick says pointedly, "I never stopped loving you."

"But...but you dated Grace. You loved Grace," Macy splutters, trying to wrap her head around it. She jolts from the bed, pacing frantically around the room.

"You can love more than one person at the same time, you know. And I didn't love Grace."

Macy feels her heart hammering from her chest. This is everything she has ever wanted.

_No._ She won't hurt either of them again. "Nick, go and find someone that deserves you."

"Why do you not think you're good enough for me?"

"Because I'm not! Why would you be with little old Macy Misa when you can have _anyone_? You're Nick freakin' Lucas!" Macy throws her hands in the air. "I've been told _that_ enough times. And why _now_? We've had a whole year to do..whatever this is! Why now? "

"Because I can't lose you again, Macy," He says quietly, as Macy freezes. She was not expecting_ that._

"I will leave this room right now, and never come back, if you can look me in the eyes and tell me, honestly, that you don't love me," Nick says, his voice pleading now. Macy doesn't want him to leave. They could be right back at the beginning of the relationship, when everything was perfect and they were just two kids in love.

"I don't love you." Her voice is cold.

_I love you._

Nick doesn't look shocked. He doesn't look like anything. His face a blank expression, he drops a kiss on her forehead and leaves the room, fulfilling his side of the promise.

She wants to call him back. She wants to tell him that she's changed her mind. But she doesn't, and she hasn't.

Instead, she holds the necklace tightly in her palm and breaks down.

-nm-

"Do you believe in fate?" Macy asks Nick one day, as they are splayed on the couch, watching a movie. Nick looks down at her, smiling.

"Why'd you ask that?"

"Just curious," She shrugs, "I mean, do you believe that we were always meant to be together? Like our future has already been mapped out in the stars, or something?" She watches him as he ponders this. "You don't have to say yes, I won't get offended."

"What do _you_ believe?"

"I believe in fate. There's got to be something out there, binding two people together. Everything happens for a reason, and everything has a consequence."

Nick's brow arches, his voice adopting a teasing tone. "Someone's been reading their lifestyle books." Macy pokes him in the rib sharply, making him groan, "OK, fine. You want to know what I think?"

"Yes, that is _why_ I asked the question," Macy grins.

He entwines her hand with his. "I believe in love. I think when you're in love, you don't need to believe in things like fate or destiny. You're just there, in that moment, not worrying about what's going to happen next."

"Woah. That's deep," Macy says admiringly, still thinking. "But...say we meet on the corner of a street someday, and we haven't spoken in ages for whatever reason. We're on the same street at the same time at the same place, and we see each other, in a swarm of strangers. Are you telling me that's _not_ fate?"

"No," Nick smiles, "That's love."

-nm-

Macy hitches her handbag over her shoulder and takes a quick look at her Blackberry. She only has an hour until she meets her boss, and this line in Starbucks doesn't seem to be moving anywhere. Sighing, she tears herself away from the promise of a frappucino and swings the door open. The hot LA air hits her as she starts walking through the street, making her way back to her apartment.

She waits at the traffic lights, absorbing the vibrant colors bursting from every street corner. She loves living and working in LA; everyday is different. Just yesterday she'd be able to go onto Sonny Monroe's movie set, where she'd interviewed the perky star all about her rise to fame.

A man on a bike speeds past Macy, but not without throwing her a wink first. Macy is flattered, but since she'd got a job, she doesn't really have the time to date. She doesn't have the incentive too either. Boys would only break her heart, unless she ended up breaking theirs first.

She decides to take the long way to the parking lot, giving her a chance to walk on the smooth Malibu sand. She slips off her sandals and slides them into her bag, shedding her cardigan in order to give the sun a chance to dance upon her skin. She watches the surfers glide upon their sea with their surfboards, the teenagers throw frisbees around, and the little kids splash in the ocean.

A figure is coming towards her, a guitar slung around his form. He is strolling quite casually, taking in the sights, just as she is. Macy watches his fingers tap out a rhythm, one that is so familiar, and her heart races. He pulls his eyes away from the ocean, and they land on Macy.

She smiles.


End file.
